When we throw divorce into the picture, the art of proper family bonding may appear like it’s gone forever, however, it’s not the divorce that has caused problems to arise, but it’s more the fact that the parents are at war with each other! We need to recognize that when we are fighting with each other, it’s going to be worse for the kids and their health in the long-run. So how can we solve this problem? What does it take to be less warring parents during the divorce process?
Focus on the Future
Lawyers like the Spodek Law Group always talk about the active moving on. We should be bringing up the same arguments that ended the marriage. It’s important to be productive. If we can’t get into the heart of the conflict, we must recognize that we need to step past this, and work with another approach. Mediation is one of those methods that allows both sides to address the best ways to progress and stop slinging mud at each other constantly. It’s important to have someone to facilitate the conversation.
Treat Each Other With Respect
It sounds simple, but even if you are disagreeing with each other, you must recognize that treating each other with respect is going to reduce the need for conflict. If you see that a conversation is not being respectful anymore, you may want to set boundaries. You may want to limit your conversations by doing it in a public place or communicating via email. When you start to treat each other with respect it’s going to make the process easier. And it’s always crucial to remember that you should speak respectfully even if the other person does not. It’s crucial to be aware of the triggers, even if they are throwing insults or blame, you are not unreasonable by asking for a break in the proceedings.
Take Your Time
You have to recognize that a divorce is something that arises from emotions that can hijack your judgment. When people agree to a divorce, now is the time to digest everything. Use this opportunity to incorporate self-care, and realize that the divorce, even if you didn’t want it, gives you some breathing space to truly remember who you are.
What Do You Both Really Want and Need?
Conflict usually arises when needs are not being met. You need to ask yourself what you really want but also what your spouse wants and needs. When you can articulate what you want and what you need, and you can reflect your understanding of what the other person wants, you can come to an agreement and find common ground. In a divorce, this means you will create a win-win situation. To get to this point you’ve got to decide what really matters to you and understand compromise is necessary.
Divorce is hard, and it is a conflict. But it’s important for the sake of the children that we become less aggressive and it is such a painful process that many things go wrong. We can benefit by learning how to avoid a lot of the problems. For example, incorporating mutual respect, being constructive, and beneficial conversation and communication will help both parties.
What other ways can you handle being less warring during a divorce? Let me know in the comments below!